Redemption in Ascention
by rachaelphilip
Summary: Rachael meets God at the Arc of the conventant, where here mother passes away. Promising to be in service to the Lord, she finds herself in Ascention with the Angel Monica, and God who is disguised as Zach. She must help the town from its terrible tragedy, while overcoming deep hurt caused by Satan...what will happen? Warning contains rape :-( R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

I had life pretty good.

Up until I was 22, I had lived with my mother - just me and her.

We were so happy together. We both worked and often took our holidays at the same time so we could travel and see the world.

We tried every food you could think of and would often laugh at each other if we came across something to our distaste.

The most famous was when we tried fried spider in Cambodia - something neither of us ever did again!

But the trip that always stuck in my memory and heart was when we travelled to Jerusalem.

There, we were exploring a cave area and had went pretty far in to one.

We came across a man made wall with an inscription that said "you are on holy ground."

Well both of us were regular church goers and immediately took our shoes off in respect.

Unknown to us, my dear mother was bitten by a spider.

We had made our way through the wall, through a small hold in the bottom of it, and the sight took our breath away.

 _"Ma - I...I think it's the Arc!" I gasped, looking on wonder._

 _She nodded slowly, also in awe._

 _Suddenly, from the glorious light, appeared someone._

 _"Do not come any closer." he warned us._

 _We had no intention to disobey at all!_

 _"Who are you?" I had breathed, respectful as possible._

 _"I am Mika, an angel of the most high God. I am here to protect the Arc and it's holdings - the 10 commandments that God gave to Moses, the staff of Aaron and a jar of Manna, that God provided for his children."_

 _I gulped, holding my mother's hand._

 _I noticed she was white and a little shaky, but I thought it was fear._

 _"We of course respect the most High God and the Arc - do you want us to leave?" I had asked gently, keeping a watchful eye on a sword he was holding._

 _He was quiet for a moment, and then there was angels everywhere we looked!_

 _I gasped, feeling emotional._

 _There were three females and two males, including Mika._

 _"Be at peace and fear not - we are here to help you understand what you are about to see, and feel. This arc is hidden, to stop the world commiting terrible acts of war in the name of it, and God. But now you are here, you have a responsibility to protect it's secret. Are you willing to do this?" a female asked - she sounded Irish._

 _I breathed out, holding my mother's hand tighter._

 _I held my hand on my heart._

 _"It is clearly the will of God Himself for this to remain hidden - I would not dare rebell against Him and His word...we will not breath a word to anyone else of what we have seen here." I swore, some tears coming._

 _This was a deeply religious experience and one that I knew I was very, very lucky to have. My soul had been moved._

 _The angel smiled, and I smiled back, excited and comforted._

 _From behind me, a dove flew and landed on the Arc!_

 _I raised my eyebrows._

 _"How did a dove get here?" I asked outloud._

 _The angel smiled again._

 _Suddenly, the room was flooded with brilliant white light._

 _I closed my eyes and bowed my head against it, blinking fast to get used to it._

 _I fel a gentle wind around me and a deep, deep sense of love._

 _I glanced at my mam, who looked back, grinning._

 _She looked so tired, but so happy._

 _I frowned for only a moment, wondering why she looked like that._

 _Then, overwhelmed, I walked closer to the arc and knelt down...because in that moment, I knew I was literally in the presence of God Himself!_

 _I felt a warm breeze blow against me, and it was like God was holding me._

 _I had never felt a truer joy before or since._

 _Next to me, I could feel mam kneeling down too, as joyous as I to be in the presence of the Lord._

 _"I never want to leave you." she whispered._

 _Suddenly, I had felt scared and looked at her._

 _She looked dreadfully white, she was breathing irradically, and she was pouring with sweat, and her eyes were glazing over._

 _A deep grief overcame me and I grabbed her arms, but she felt floppy._

 _"What's happening?" I choked, desperately scared._

 _The presence of God enveloped me even stronger, trying to ease me._

 _One of the male angels knelt next to us._

 _"My name is Andrew - I'm an angel of death..." he said gently._

 _The realisation hit me._

 _"No!" I begged desperately, looking into the light, "please don't let her die, please!"_

 _"Rachael, listen to me - your mother has been bitten by a black widow spider, and the effects are taken hold now. It would be impossible for you to get her the help she needed in time. She cannot survive - I'm so sorry..." Andrew told me as gently as he could._

 _I let go then and burst into tears, grabbing my mam._

 _"Don't go!" I pleaded with her, unable to imagine a life without her at my side._

 _She slowly looked at me, now weak, and held my arm._

 _"You're all grown up now - and I'm so proud of you...I'll always be with you. But...I have to go - and I want to - this is amazing and I never want it to end! But I love you, so very much. Never forget that! I am lucky to have had you as a daughter! You need to make your own way in the world now, until you see me again."_

 _I was raw with emotion and collapsed into her, my heart broken._

 _I gripped her tight as I saw Andrew gently take her hand._

 _With that, he spirit left her body, which disappeared._

 _She looked much healthier once she was in spirit._

 _She held on to Andrew's hand as she looked in to the light._

 _An overwhelming happiness overcame her face and she grinned - I knew then that she had actually seen God, and how could I have asked her to come back from Him?_

 _I sniffed, trying to stop the tears._

 _"I'll miss you so much." I choked._

 _"I'll miss you too, baby. I'll see you again." she assured me._

 _And then she was gone._

 _My mother was gone._

 _Unimaginable grief hit me like a train and I completely let go, falling quickly into hysterical tears._

 _I could feel the angels around me, comforting me, but it was not them I wanted, much as I appreciated their effort._

 _God's light grew even brighter and stronger, and then I could actually feel Him as a physical person._

 _It seemed he was crouching infront of me, though I couldn't actually see Him._

 _Then...I heard Him - He spoke to me!_

 _"I am so sorry for taking her away from you - can you forgive me for that?" He asked._

 _Well that blew me away...not what I was expecting God to say at all!_

 _Sniffing and struggling, I couldn't even breath a word._

 _None were needed..._

 _Almost submitting, I leaned forward._

 _I felt my head on his knees and cried, desperate for comfort._

 _I felt His hand on my back as he embraced me and comforted me._

 _"I am here - never forget that. You are blessed." He breathed._

 _"Thank you..." I was finally able to choke out, "I will serve you for all my days..."_

 _He rubbed my back, clearly pleased with my effort during my deep grief._

 _"The angels will speak to you when my presence leaves. Thank you, and well done child." He whispered._

 _It was the most emotional and spiritual moment of my life, and I bowed down even further, trying to show the Lord what I was feeling._

 _After several long minutes, I had finally stopped crying and was just staying in the moment. I could see why no-one would want to leave...I didn't. But I had just promised to serve Him, so I had to go on living, until He called me home._

 _I sighed out._

 _"I'm ready." I breathed._

 _I could almost feel Him smiling._

 _"Until we meet again, child."_

 _Gently, he pulled away and the light dimmed as He left._

 _The dove on the Arc flew away, and I knew it was the end of the experience._

 _Very shakily, I got back to my feet, and turned round to see the Angels._

 _Andrew was back and they were all watching me._

 _I breathed out._

 _"Andrew...?" I asked timidly._

 _"Yes?" he answered, approaching me._

 _"She's going to be ok isn't she?" I asked softly._

 _"Yes." He assured me, holding my shoulder._

 _I smiled, thinking of her being in God's presence._

 _I sighed out._

 _"Would you be able to lead me out of here?" I asked._

 _"We all will, except for Mika - he stays here to protect the arc." The irish one said._

 _I nodded._

 _The angels did indeed lead me out of the cave, and while I was walking with them, they revealed that God wanted me to fight evil in his name._

 _I would have power when I called for it, at any time._

 _Of course, I agreed readily._

 _How could I not fight for God after everything that had just happened?_

 _As the months went on, I spread the word of God, then moved on to fighting bad humans who needed changed...murderers and pedophiles and such._

 _I was beyond happy in my work, especially when I could save lives._

 _On the two-year anniversary of my mother's death, I travelled to a town called Ascention._

 _I had heard that a whole school of children had cruelly been taken away by an explosion._

 _I knew the town needed help to turn back to light in the midst of their unimaginable grief._


	2. Chapter 2

Well that take me to now.

I walked down the street and looked around, already feeling sad.

The loss was very apparent.

It was a saturday and yet not one child was playing in the streets.

Most had been lost in the explosion, and those who surived had left with their families, unable to cope.

Around me were reminders of the children - little trucks and the like, not dared to be moved by anyone.

Frowning, I spotted the church.

It had been boarded up...even the priest must have lost a little faith.

I bowed my head.

"Lord, where can these people go to speak to you? Where can they go to heal or be comforted?" I asked, sadly.

Sighing, I walked for a little more and came across a cafe, so went in.

Once I was comfortable and had a coffee, something distracted me.

"Joey? It's me, Monica!" an irish voice said.

I looked and spotted a young man cuddling her.

I carefully drank in her features...yes! It was her! It was one of the angels from when I met God!

A grin broke across my face, and I could have burst with excitement.

I did not interupt them though - the young man seemed to know she was an angel and needed the comfort.

Any comfort was incredible and needed here, so I waited patiently.

I quietly called over the owner of the cafe.

"Hey, whatever that lady and her table is having, I will pay for it, and tip - she's a very special person." I smiled.

She smiled and nodded.

When she took over the coffee, I glaced over.

She seemed to be telling them I was paying, and they looked over.

Monica watched me for a few moments before smiling in recognition.

I grinned, happy that she at last knew who I was.

And boy was I pleased an angel was here!

She patted the seat next to her to invite me over.

Grinning, but a tiny bit shy, I did indeed go over.

"Hello, Rachael! Please, join us!" she asked.

Smiling, I sat down next to her.

For the briefest of moments, I closed my eyes, happy to feel her light and power, knowing it was just a fraction of God's grace.

"Rachael, this is Wayne, the sheriff, and this is Zach, my new friend." Monica introduced.

I nodded respectfully to the sheriff and went to shake Zach's hand, who was holding his out in greeting.

As I contacted his hand, I almost gasped.

I felt overwhelming power, and instantly looked up at him.

He was grinning, knowing I felt it, and his eyes were enchanting.

"Hello, Rachael." he greeted.

I had heard that voice before...

I broke into a grin, unable to dare believe I had met God **twice** in my lifetime! And I was _really_ pleased He was here!

"Hello." I replied, giggly as a child.

I cleared my throat.

"Did you say **new** friend Monica?" I asked.

"Yes, I just met him on the bus here." she replied, quite cheerily.

I glanced back up and 'Zach' winked.

I nodded very slightly to show I understood he did not want anyone knowing who he really was...not even an angel.

So, I decided to behave as normal as I possibly could around him to not give him away.

I quietly sipped my coffee whilst Monica talked to the sheriff about Joey, the man who had hugged her.

He was apparently the sheriff's young brother.

It was quite apparent he had some learning difficulties.

"He hadn't spoken a word since the day of the explosion." Wayne explained sadly.

I gulped, sad at the thought.

Biting my lip, I didn't dare look at Zach.

"Wayne - what happened here?" Monica asked softly.

There was silence for a moment, and I stared into my coffee, afraid to breath.

"All the kids and teachers were in the school. The boiler exploded. 42 children and 8 teachers died."

I closed my eyes, biting my lip and bowing my head a bit.

"I'd like to know where your God was then!" Wayne suddenly hissed bitterly.

My whole body went ice cold and I quickly looked at him, almost afraid for him.

"Wayne - even when you can't see Him, God is always close to you, and will always be there for you if you ask Him. Reach out to Him, and He will recieve you." Zach said strongly but gently.

I nodded, overcome with compassion and joyous at God's mercy.

"Zach is right," Monica nodded, clearly pleased with him, "I know for a fact he will be so sad and so sorry this has happened."

"He didn't stop it." Wayne sniffed, suddenly standing up and leaving.

I sat very still, completely unsure on how to react.

Wayne was clearly sad and only speaking in ager and not reason...but still.

I gulped and glanced sideways to Monica, who sighed.

"There needs to be a lot of work done here." she observed.

I nodded.

"Yeah...I can't even imagine what these people are going through." I stated sadly.

"God bless them." Monica sighed.

I breathed out, a tad emotional and shy, but nodded.

"God bless them." I repeated softly.

I heard Zach breathe out, and thankfully the emotional moment was interupted by someone else.

"Monica?" he asked, uncertain.

"Yes?"

"Hi...er you probably don't remember me, but I was driving late and fell asleep at the wheel - you woke me up..."

"Oh, Mike! I remember you!"

He grinned from ear to ear.

I caught Zach smiling gently and couldn't resist a small smile.

"How have you been doing?" Monica asked him.

"Well, I'm the Mayor of this town." he explained, looking around and holding his arms up.

"You are? Amazing!"

"Yeah...well the last guy left and no-one else wanted the job so...here I am! he explained, smiling.

Monica nodded.

"Well done!"

"Thanks - do you have anywhere to stay?" Mike asked, looking at the 3 of us.

"No actually..."

"Well, I have a big house - perks of being Mayor, and there is plenty of room if you'd like to stay?" he offered.

I could almost feel Zach glow with pride!

"We would be honoured to stay, friend!" he stated warmly, standing up.

I followed suite.

"All are welcome to me - God reached into my life one day, and the very least I can do is reach out to other people in his name." Mike smiled.

"Amen to that!" Zach laughed.

I giggled, feeling a tad emotional but going with the flow.

With that, we made our way to Mayor Mike's house - there we met a woman named Sophie, who Monica recognised.

"Oh Monica, I could have used you hours ago!" she stated, suddenly rambling about her papers.

I watched quietly, wondering.

Monica smiled.

"I'm here now." she said gently.

"There's a whole new theory! Right at the assination, joey - the poor baby! Saw the whole thing! He got knocked clean out - and when he woke up, he kept asking where the man was? The man at the school - who was he Monica? I want him here, to ask him questions!"

I looked up, thinking straight away of the young man who had been hugging Monica - the slow one...and now there was a possibility that the poor kids had been murdered! Oh man, if he saw the whole thing, no wonder he hadn't said a word since that day!

"Oh God..." I whispered, shaking my head.

Zach sighed and gently rubbed my arm to remind he was there.

I breathed out and nodded slightly to acknowledge him and my gratitude.

Monica turned to Mike.

"Is that true? Did Joey see a man at the school?" she asked, serious.

Mike sighed.

"When Joey woke up he told Eddie he had seen someone. It gave people a reason to wonder..."

"Whether the children were murdered?" she asked, upset.

He nodded, just as sadly.

I bit my lip, feeling emotional at the thought of someone taking away so many innocent little lives like that.

All at once I was completely enraged and bit my lip so hard it bled.

Just as suddenly, I calmed down and I wiped my lip, trying to hide it.

No-one seemed to notice.

Confusion hit me - I knew it was upsetting to think about the insane injustice of it all, but I had never felt such awful anger in my whole life, and honestly it scared me.

Wide eyed, I gulped and looked down.

"What do you believe?" Monica asked Mike.

He shook his head.

"I don't know - the boiler that exploded was old and needed replacing. I think I think it was an accident that ended horrifcally tragically. Only God knows the truth." he replied.

Monica nodded.

"Yes..."

We were quiet for a little while, deep in thought.

Eventually, Mike cleared his throat.

"Well, it's getting pretty late - shall we have dinner? Monica do you eat?" he asked.

She smiled, nodding.

"Need any help?" I offered, trying to distract myself.

He grinned.

"Sure, come on..."

We went into the kitchen, leaving Monica and Zach with Sophia.

I smiled gently, feeling happy she was in the presence of an angel and God himself, unknown to anyone else.

Between us, it didn't take Mike and I long to make dinner, and pretty soon we were all sitting at the table.

Mike offered to say Grace.

Grinning, I more than happily took Zach and Monica's hands, feeling the spiritual side very deeply as Mike gave thanks for the provided food, and prayed for peace in the town.

It was a pretty good meal, and I had to admit, very special, considering who was there.

Sophie kept us on our toes as she talked in great detail about the day of the explosion.

Eventually I got very, very brave.

"How come the church is shut? Maybe it would be agood idea for it to be open, so people could go and find peace there?" I asked, not quite looking at Zach.

Monica seemed interested at this question too.

Mike looked down and sighed.

"The Pastor, Peter, he uh, he lost his little girl in the explosion. He believes the devil himself was here that day...I think after he had grieved, he was too afraid to open up the church again. I agree with you though - it would be a place where healing could begin for everyone in this town. God knows it's needed."

Zach cleared his throat.

"Why don't you suggest it to the pastor?"

Mike raised his eyebrows.

He seemed to think about it for a moment, then looked down, quite ashamed of himself.

"Maybe I should." he finally nodded thoughtfully.

"I'll be there." Zach smiled.

I smiled too, loving how accurate he was but knowing no-one else knew but us that he was in fact God.

The religious side of it welled up inside me and I almost started crying.

Oh if Mike knew who he was truly talking to...well, it would be amazing! I knew how amazing it had been for me.

The memories of emotions came flooding back and I had to catch my breath...

Kneeling down in awe as I felt God's grace, watching my mother walk into eternity with him, and feeling his comfort, literally as he held me in his arms.

Tears seriously threatened then...people going to church wouldn't even come close to this, but they would at least have an idea, and now they didn't even have a chance!

"He has to open it!" I stated strongly.

Monica nodding, also remembering my experience.

"It is so important that people can go to God, especially after all this - His comfort is the best in existance and these people need to be able to go to Him." I enforced passionately.

Mike breathed out.

"You're right! First thing tomorrow, I'm going to see Peter!" Mike decided, standing up.

I breathed out, emotional and closed my eyes for a moment to steady myself.

"Are you alright, Rachael?" Monica asked me gently.

I opened them again.

"Yeah, I'll be fine - thank you. I'm just going to go for a walk." I anwered quietly, leaving.


	3. Chapter 3

When I had walked outside for about 10 minutes, I felt a blast of cold air.

Not normal cold air though...it was literally freezing.

I shivered and looked around came face to face with a man I had never seen before.

He was staring at me.

I wasn't afraid in the slightest.

"Who are you?" I asked, friendly enough.

He grinned, and a very bad feeling overcame me.

"This town - they have turned away from God. Straight to me." he chuckled.

It became apparent very quickly who he was then.

A furious rage engulfed me.

"They haven't turned away from God! They're just scared!" I said clearly through gritted teeth.

He let out a small laugh then, making me twitch in anger.

"All there little babies, all gone in that explosion!" he jeered, suddenly erupted into disgusting, cruel laughter.

I literally felt vomit come up.

"You make me sick!" I growled, spitting.

He stopped laughing then.

"Good - I enjoy it. But not as much as I enjoyed ending those kid's lives - seeing the pain in everyone's hearts, and seeing them turning away from -"

"They haven't yet! You know what, God is amazing, and He loves every single thing He created. Even _demons_ have a chance at mercy if they were truly, truly repentive. But YOU - it's no wonder you're the only one in the universe, of billions of billion of lives through history and the future, you're the only one that he WON'T save!"

I seemed to hit a nerve with him then, and the blast of cold air hit me like a train.

I grunted, thinking of the intense warmth I had felt at the arc.

"It doesn't matter!" he sneered, "I don't need HIM for anything. I can just play with His toys and make sure they hurt each other. That boiler did just need a little tweeking after all, but for once, I won't lie - it wasn't me that turned it."

That caught my attention, and I froze, letting the information gather in my head.

He grinned, clearly pleased with himself.

"Are YOU the man Joey saw?" I asked slowly, feeling horrifically sick.

He fell into hysterics again.

"It was so easy!" he gasped through the chuckled, "he was so easy!"

Then, in fits of laughter, he vanished.

The air finally warmed, but I felt cold as ice.

Joey had turned the boiler, because the devil told him to do it.

Oh no...

It wasn't Joey's fault of course, not at all - but what would happen when the people of the town finally knew the truth? What would happen to him? They wouldn't believe the devil made him do it...

Unimaginable anger rose up again at the fierce injustice of it all, and the waste of precious life that had happened, and the bitter grief felt by all, and the guilt poor Joey must be feeling, despite his lack of responsibility.

I ran back to the house.

I tried to calm myself as I walked in, but still seething, I slammed the door hard.

When I heard it, my anger vanished and I cringed.

Slowly, I looked..oops...

The door had a massive crack all the way up it, and it was off it's now bent hinges.

"Uh...oh man..." I muttered, now feeling extreme guilt - Mike had welcomed us into his home and I had damaged it in anger.

I looked down, quite ashamed of myself, and cringed even more when I heard the other four come into the room to see what the noise was.

"What happened?" Mike asked, sounding shocked.

Still cringing, I turned to them.

I gulped.

"Mike, I'm so sorry - I was angry and slammed it...and uh...it broke..." I explained, wracked with guilt.

He sighed, coming over to see the damage.

He shook his head and turned to me.

"Well...uh...you must have been pretty upset to slam it that hard - so don't worry about it, eh?" he smiled, holding my shoulder.

I was floored.

"I ... er...wow, thank you Mike! I really am sorry, it'll never happen again!" I promised.

Zach cleared his throat and came to have a look.

Suddenly, I felt scared of him - guilt flooded me and I shook my head, now scared of this reaction...I had never been scared of God before, but the way I had reaction with uncontrollable anger was a very bad thing indeed.

"I can fix this Mike, no charge." he offered now, after assessing the door.

"Are you sure, Zach?"

"Absolutely, no problem."

"I'll have to give you something." Mike insisted.

Zach smiled.

"If you can get the pastor to open up the church, then believe me it will be repayment enough."

This would usually make me feel very happy, but I couldn't shake off the fear.

Trying to look normal, I took Monica's hand, silently asking her to follow me.

She understood at once and did indeed follow me to the privacy of the living room.


	4. Chapter 4

"Monica...I know you're an angel, right...?" I started, a little feebily.

"Yes, of course - you can't be forgetting what happened in the cave?" she laughed good naturedly.

I laughed at that.

"Oh no, certainly not.."

I looked down, now frowning.

"Monica...I er...need to ask you a question about um, God, if you have time to answer?"

Now she turned serious.

"Of course I have time - there's always time if you have questions. What is it you need to know?"

I gulped.

I had to be careful with what I said...for some reason Zach didn't want even Monica knowing he was God.

"I remember...the intense, amazing feeling when I met God in that cave. It was truly overwhelming, and he literally comforted me through my mother's death. I felt my head on his lap and his arms around me. I was blessed beyond measure..." I started.

Monica looked seriously emotional then, in a happy way.

I almost started crying!

But, I gathered myself.

"Look, since then, I have never, ever been afraid of dying, or of God..."

I paused, struggling.

"It's ok, go on..." Monica encouraged me.

"Monica...before, when I broke the door - I had never before such a terrible rage. I mean it was serious wrath. I lost control, and it scared me something bad...but, that's not all - I'm sorta scared of God now, or of talking to Him at least..it's hard to explain." I muttered, looking down ashamed.

"Ohhhh - are you ashamed because you let anger take hold?" Monica asked me gently.

I nodded.

"Rachael - you need to tell God you're sorry for getting angry and letting it overcome you. He will help you control your anger, and He will forgive you, and you will feel much better after." she informed me, holding my shoulder with confidence.

I had to smile at her absolute faith - she had seen God of course, but I mean she was so confident about what He would do.

Then, I turned more serious.

"I've never had to...uh...would you be able to er...?" I trailed off, now feeling rather akward.

She picked it up straight away.

"You want me to help you?" she offered, very softly.

I closed my eyes and nodded, taking a deep breathe.

Monica breathed out and took my hand, kneeling down.

Knowing there was no turning back now, I glanced frightened at the doorway, knowing for a fact God was literally just through there and could see and here everything.

Gulping, I shook of my fear and knelt down too, bowing my head.

"Father?" Monica breathed, and at once I felt overwhelmed - this was a new experience for me, but I knew I did not like the rage or the fear, so knew I had to go with it.

"I am here, with your child, Rachael..."

Woah...that felt raw!

"She is full of guilt because she felt uncontrollable rage, and instead of handing it over to you, she allowed it to take over her. Now she feels frightened of you. Please, forgive her for her anger, and help sooth her rage. Love, Monica."

Tears came now, but not overwhelmingly.

"This seems stupid next to what's going on..." I whispered.

"There is nothing stupid about keeping a slate clean with God, Rachael, don't ever feel that way!" the angel chastised me.

I looked down.

"God...I am. I am, so sorry that I let the anger take hold. You know what happened out there - maybe that pushed me, but I should have trusted you with it. Please forgive me and please sooth me. I know I can do good here, and help. I know this town is important, and I want to do everything I can to help it heal, and to lead it back to you."

Finishing, I closed my eyes again, almost willing the prayer to be heard, though I knew it was hear loud and clear.

I DID feel better.

Opening my eyes, I grinned at Monica.

"You were right!" I stated, giggling and standing up.

"See." she laughed, also standing.

I breathed out.

"Thanks, Monica. I needed this. Now, I can do what I can to help this town, without that weird worry I had about God..."

She cocked her head to her side.

"You had simply never felt such rage before, nor the guilt of doing something wrong like that. You had never before forgot to trust in God. That was the issue you had - and now it is resolved, and yes, we can continue doing what is needed."

I nodded, fully confident now and happy that it was over.

Really, it seemed silly...but it was over.

God would of course know about my encounter with the devil.

What I needed to do was ask him what he wanted me to do...and how to help Joey.

"Come on, we'll go see how far Zach is on fixing the door." Monica instructed cheerily.

I raised my eyebrows, almost giving it away.

Man what a secret to carry...

Shaking my head, I followed.

"How are you getting on, Zach?" Monica asked, looking up.

Zach was standing on a ladder, busy with something.

Seeing him standing above us made me remember my real place below him, and without Monica seeing, bowed my head a little to acknowledge him, respectfully.

I breathed out and looked back up.

"Won't take long." he answered cheerfully, "It'll be finished before bed time."

"Oh good. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to talk more with Mike." Monica replied, leaving me quite alone with Zach.

I raised my eyebrows and cringed a little, shaking my head.

Finally, I decided to just look at him...after all, I had felt better after Monica got me to pray, and concluded that everything was ok.

Zach was watching me and let out a grin.

Unable to resist, I grinned back.

Yes, everything was good between us!

I sighed out, quite releaved, and Zach couldn't help but gently chuckle as he got down from the ladders.

I smiled meekly, humbled.

"Hmm Monica is a great friend when needed, isn't she?" Zach asked, holding my shoulder.

I breathed out, nodding.

"Yeah..." I agreed softly.

He smiled even wider and pulled me into a hug.

It took me by surpise, and for a moment, I didn't respond.

Then, feeling overwhelmed with happiness, I let go and relaxed into his chest, folding my arms around him.

His grace was all around me, and it took everything for me not to cry.

We stayed like that for several minutes, both as happy as each other.

But all good things must end, and we still had work to do, so eventually I pulled away, sighing.

"Can't wait for that to be forever..." I muttered before I could stop myself.

Zach chuckled again.

"Me neither," he assured me, "but until then, there is things to do."

I nodded, finally ready.

"Yes - uh, obviously you know what happened when I was out..."

He sighed, now serious and concerned.

"And uh...about Joey, and about what um... **he** convinced Joey to do..." I said through gritted teeth.

Oh no...the anger was coming back again.

This time, I realised.

I closed my eyes and breathed out slowly, before looking back at Zach.

Quietly and meaningfully, he held his hand out for me.

Almost crying, I reached out and took it.

I felt incredibly calm then.

Blinking, I looked at him properly.

He smiled at me, reassuringly.

"Why was I so angry?" I asked softly.

He sighed.

"What happened here was a grave injustice, and a horrific waste of young life. The people left behind here suffered unimaginable loss, all directly caused by Lucifer. The children, and the teachers, are all in Heaven. I took them there myself - but that does not help or comfort the living left behind. This town has turned away from me - but some don't even know it, like Father Peter. He hasn't give a service since the children died...so how can his flock know to come to me? Where can they go? Not even to worship me, that doesn't really matter - but they have nowhere to find peace and comfort. That's why you were so angry. You can give your anger over to me, but you must do it every time, before one day the rage builds up and explodes like that boiler did...and the results can be just as devatating." He answered seriously.

That scared me and I felt a surge of cold through me.

I shivered, upset.

Not knowing what else to do, I simply hugged Zach, trusting him.

He recieved me and sighed with sadness, feeling my pain, and the terrible pain of his people in the town.

Together, we mourned for every single person.

"What about Joey?" I asked softly.

"Joey feels guilty about it all, though he is in no way accountable by me or anyone else. He was helping a litter of kittens, you know? A box of 5 - they were in the basement at the school. Lucifer told Joey to turn the boiler up so the kittens would be warmer. Of course, Joey did - he had no idea what would happen, how could he? When he woke up, he asked Eddie where the man was - he was referring to Lucifer. You know what else...despite the guilt and pain he feels, Joey is the only one in the entire town, apart from Mike, who has prayed at all since that day." Zach answered, very sad.

I looked down, shaking my head.

"They need you." I stated.

He nodded.

"I know. That is why I am here - we have work to do here, as does Monica. This will determine wether or not she gets her promotion to supervisor."

I smiled at that.

"You alright know anyway, will she get it?"

Zach grinned at that.

"Time will tell, I will not." He teased, making me giggle.

I shook my head, and nodded respectfully as I left him to go find Monica.

She was just finishing her coversation with Mike.

"Well, what's our next step?" I asked her.

"Mike is going to talk with Father Peter tonight, to see if he will open the church up as early as tomorrow, ready for Sunday service." she explained, crossing her fingers.

"I hope so." I stated, thinking of the healing the people needed.

She nodded in agreement, holding my shoulder.

Smiling, I decided to go for another walk.


	5. Chapter 5

As I wandered down the street, I had loads of thoughts going through my head. All I wanted to do was hug everyone in town and offer them comfort, but what they really needed was God.

I hoped with all my heart Mike could convince Father Peter.

Just then, I head a soft chuckle behind me.

Instantly annoyed, I knew who it was and turned to face him.

"What do you want?" I growled.

"You're hoping they open the church tomorrow?" he grinned.

"And?"

"Really, you want to PRAY it doesn't open." he jeered.

Now I was confused.

"Why would I ever hope that?" I asked, unable to make sense of it.

He just laughed and vanished.

I shook my head.

"He's just trying to get in my head." I decided outloud, shrugging him off. Why would I ever care what the devil thought anyway?

As I continued to walk, ALL of my bad feelings instantly vanished when I found an adorable little kitten!

"Ooooooohhhhhh, hello baby!" I cooed, instantly picking him up.

"Where's you're mama?" I asked, gently stroking him.

He meowed and started purring, rubbing his face into mine.

Love was instant.

"Do you need a home?" I asked, looking around.

I decided to wait and see if the mother came back, but after two hours, there was no sign.

So, I took him home.

"Oooohhh who's this?" Monica asked, instally falling in love.

"I waited for his mother, but there wasn't any sign. Maybe he's an orphan?" I suggested, half looking at Zach.

He descreetly nodded to let me know she was.

"Have you gave her a name yet?" Monica asked me, happily.

I shook my head.

"I think Zach should name her." I suggested, hiding a grin.

He chuckled.

"I think he looks like a Josiah." he mused, gently stroking the kitten.

Instantly, it dived on him and desperately rubbed his face into him and meowed loudly.

"Josiah - his name means 'God has healed' - it is a very beautiful and meaningful name, Zach." Monica revealed, smiling joyous.

I breathed out, nodding, touched by the meaning.

Josiah purred even louder, shaking in excitement and happiness.

"Easy little one." Zach chuckled, gently stroking his head.

"He really like you." Mike smiled.

I grinned - if only they had a clue!

I had no doubt little Josiah knew who was holding him, and he was more than happy to be in his hands.

Any thoughts of satan or what he had said were completely gone from my mind...until the next day...


	6. Chapter 6

We got up early, and Mike once again rang Father Peter.

After a long talk, he FINALLY agreed to open the church!

We all cheered when he hung up and said the good news!

"Healing can finally begin!" Monica stated, excitedly.

"Amen to that." I agreed softly.

All smiles, we got ready and proceeded to go to the church.

Of course, Zach was the first to go in - it could have looked like simple eagerness though.

We waited as everyone else in the town followed him in, all desperate for comfort and peace.

As Monica stepped inside, I heard another chuckle.

I groaned and rolled my eyes, unable to believe I had to deal with him again!

"What do you WANT?" I snapped, "You've been bugging me for days, but you now fine well you can't pull ME away from God, so what's your game?" I demanded strongly.

"See this is the real fun part - for me anyway," he grinned evilly, "Because I don't need to pull you away from God - I just needed the oppertunity to have you already seperated, and then do something that will make you never go back to Him."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, feeling cold, and admittedly a little afraid.

"Well, see, God is in the church right now, trying his hardest to comfort a whole town-full of people..."

"Right..."

"And you are out here, with me - and he cannot help you, even if he wanted to, because he cannot leave the church now. He is stuck there, and believe me, he will choose the town over you, because you are not loved enough by him. He even took your mother - he could have healed her, but he took the one and only family away from you, so that you would need him. How selfish is that?"

Now I was getting angry and upset!

"Shut up! That's not what happened, you are just twisting the truth to make an ugly lie that you think will turn me away from God. It will NEVER happen!"

Now he looked horrendousy evil.

"Not even after THIS?" he sneered, grabbing me.

Instantly I struggled, but he dragged me down an alley way.

"Even I have free will, and He will not save you. I have more of a right to free will than you do to be saved right now." he sneered.

And then...

Then he raped me.

He raped me.

Violently.

I tried to cry out but he covered my mouth, his face inches from mine.

"It really does turn me on so much when I do this to the most innocent and loyal!" he sneered, "especially when I think of those children blowing up!"

I was physically sick then, completely repulsed by him.

"He just laughed and licked it up, making me vomit all the more.

It lasted several agonising minutes. Each thrust was excruciating and repulsive.

"He doesn't love you enough to stop this!" he kept growling in glee, enjoying every sickening moment.

At long, long last, he finished with a disgusting groan of pleasure.

"Hope to see you again, baby." he laughed, leaving me on the floor.

Shaking and crying, I didn't know what to do.

I felt physically sick as well as the agony I was feeling.

Emotionally I was completelly destroyed.

The bastard was right...God cared more about them. About the devil's free will than my own right to not be humiliatingly violated as I was.

I was _livid._

Yet...scarily calm.

I stopped crying, and stood up.

Before long, I was dressed and was making my way home.

I was shaky...both from pain and shock, but also serious rage.

It was completely consuming.

The more I walked, the more angry I became.

Every word he had said was true, sickening as he was.

I had been violated, and all God cared about was people singing his praises!

I smacked a bike over as I passed it.

Then I paused...I realised it had been owned by a little girl who had been in the school, so feeling guilty, I put it exactly as it had been.

Finally, I was home.

Josiah went to greet me instantly, happy to have company again.

"God has healed." I spat, seething.

"Healed my fucking ASS!" I suddenly roared, launching a flower vase across the room.

Poor Josiah got the fright of his life and scarpered.

Feeling guilty again, I sighed and followed him.

He was hiding under a table, shaking.

"I'm sorry baby..." I whispered, genuinly repentive, "come on, come here..." I pleaded, now desperate to make it up to him.

At long last, he inched closer to me and allowed me to stroke him.

"I'm so sorry." I croaked, tears welling.

Somehow sensing it, he finally forgave me and rubbed my face, purring.

I whimpered and quietly made my way to the bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I ran a boiling hot bath.

Peeling my clothes off, I threw them violently into the bin, never wanting to see them again.

When the searing heat of the bath burned me, I ignored it and let the water work it's way everywhere, desperate to be clean.

It wouldn't last...as blood started pouring out of me, now diluted with the water, I burst into furious sobs, completely heartbroken and enraged.

I couldn't even get clean in the bath!

There was nothing I wanted more than to scrub off every trace of that vile monster.

So I tried to...ingoring the terrible, terrible pain, I got a rough sponge and scrubbed myself raw.

But the harder I scrubbed, the more I tore myself and the more I bled.

Finally overcome, I screamed in temper and desperation and threw it across the room.

All at once, I was totally out of control...I punched the wall, I cut my arms deeply, I bit myself hard, and then attacked the bathroom.

The mirror was the first to be punched and shattered. I imagined his ugly face shattering into a million peaces, and then started stomping on each peace.

I tore all of my feet, my I didn't care.

No pain in the world was worse than what I had already felt, and honestly, it felt like a good release.

I was crying hysterically, and once I had smashed all the bathroom, I finally fell to my knees, clinging onto the bath.

I didn't care about the glass that cut into my knees.

Simply, I cried and cried and cried, unable to do anything else.

My soul, deep, deep down, wanted to cry out to God to help me...but my head and heart would not have it at all.

"He didn't help me THEN!" I spat viciously, enraged again.

Spotting a large shard of glass, I picked it up.

All at once, I wanted to die...I didn't care if I went to hell...God at least owed me to see my mother one last time, and I wanted her more than anything in the world.

My life was pointless now...how could I help people if I didn't even believe in God's love anymore?

As I decided to kill myself, Andrew appeared, looking desperately sad.

"Please don't do it." he begged me.

"Why not? I demanded of him.

"God doesn't want you to die now." he answered...it was completely the wrong thing to say, and instantly I exploded.

"Oh does he not? Well, too bad!" I roared, "What are you saying Andrew? God can send you to tell me not to kill myself, but he can't send anyone to stop the devil from fucking RAPING me?"

He let tears falls then.

"He's so sorry that happened, but..."

"But WHAT? He was too busy being _worshipped_ to stop it!" I growled, "He couldn't even send me an angel just to COMFORT ME!" I shouted accusingly.

"Rachael, please...I know you're hurting and you're angry and scared but..."

"Hurting? Angry? Scared? NO, Andrew, I was all of those things when I was pinned down being raped by the devil himself! Every thrust was agony! He tore me and stole my innocence! He enjoyed every second and you know what he said to me? God felt the devil's right to free will was more important than my right to not be raped! And he was right! Stopping the devil would have been piss easy for him but he didn't bother! GO AWAY! I want nothing to do with God, or his precious little messengers! All you do is spread the LIE that God cares!" I roared, throwing a free standing toilet roll across the room.

Andrew was very upset now and didn't know what to say - he looked at the shard of glass.

I glanced down at it.

"Fine." I said, deadly calm.

"You're an angel of death, and you need to take a soul, no matter which wat they go. So to make you go away, and NOT to do as God wants, I won't kill myself!"

With that, I threw it to the side and sat on the toilet, refusing to look at him.

He sounded like he wanted to say something, but there was a bright light out the corner of my eye.

Andrew sighed sadly, and vanished.

I shook my head, still seething.

20 long minutes passed as I very slowly calmed down, unmoving from the toilet.

Eventually, I looked around at the damage.

For Mike and Sophie's sake, I felt guilty.

Not knowing what else to do, I started to clean up.

The glass was first, and I let a few tears fall as I swept it all up and put it in the bin.

All the adrenalin was dying off and I started feeling the physical pain again.

All I could do was cry desperately as my feet, arms, hands, and my most intimate parts grew in agony.

I was utterly desperate, but I could no nothing.

When I had cleaned most of the bathroom, it grew simply too painful in the bottom of my abdomen and I proceeded to vomit violently for a few minutes.

Each stomach contraction killed me though, and before long I was on my knees, shaking from agony.

There was no way I could handle it.

It was too much - the experience of being raped, the pain and mental torture as it happened, my emotional pain that came with being let down so badly by God himself, the pain I had caused myself by scrubbing inside myself (as well as the violence I had endured there), where I had cut and bit my arms...all of it was just too much pain to bear.

All I could do was weep.

There are simply no words to what I felt physically and emotionally.

I really did want to die then.

Very, very slowly, I slid some pj's on and almost crawled to bed.

When I got there, I collapsed into it, groaning in pain.

I curled into a ball, and put the cover over me, wanting to just block it all out.

Josiah had managed to get in somehow and tenderly curled up next to me, sensing my agony but wanting desperately to comfort me.

"You've done more for me than God has..." I croaked, cuddling him.

Still weeping, I fell into a horrible sleep.

The image of my horrifying ordeal repeated itself, and it was like I was living it all over again.

When I woke up, I was still in horrible physical pain.

Sighing, I could barely move without tears welling up.

"God, how COULD you?" I croaked.

His lack of helping hurt me more than anything the devil had done, and that was a hell of a lot.

Worst of all, he had succeeded.

He had seperated me from God.

I gave up and wept again.

Even when I CRIED it was agony in my stomach, and I was utterly lost and desperate.

Seriously, I did not at all feel like living...it was simply too bad to bear. But, deep, deep, deep down...I didn't want to be seperate from God forever.

Oh, I was furious and hated him, but my stupid, pathetic soul still wanted to be near him.

In that moment, I despised myself as well as everyone else who had hurt me.


	7. Chapter 7

As I lay curled up, I heard the front door opening.

Mike, Sophie, Monica and _his HIGHNESS_ was back, and I could hear them talking.

"Oh they must be SO happy!" I growled, unable to let my rage go.

"What happened to the vase?" I heard Mike asked, confused.

I felt a pang of guilt then - I had forgotten to clean it up, and I didn't want to hurt Mike or Sophie - they were innocent and pure.

"I just want to know if Rachael is alright!" I heard Sophie say.

I had to smile at that, I couln't help it - so pure!

Then the pain came back and I groaned, closing my eyes.

Realising I would have to face them eventually, I gritted my teeth through it and got up, making sure to put slippers on to hide my feet.

Still fuming, I came out the room and into the passage where they were.

"There you are!" Monica smiled, "we were all worried so much about you."

"All of you? Wow, I feel so special!" I spat.

It took her by surprise, but she chose her words carefully.

"Where were you?" she asked gently, "I thought you'd be the first in the church."

I gritted my teeth, livid.

"Well maybe if GOD was _worth_ my time, I'd give it to him!" I growled fearlessly, literally tasting the bitterness.

In the corner of my eye I saw Zach look down, while Monica looked stunned. Mike and Sophie remained silent, horrified.

"Rachael, you can't mean that...after everything..."

"Oh BELIEVE me, I mean it!" I snapped, looking her in the eye.

She looked pretty upset then.

"You _can't_..." she stuttered.

I glared at her and shook my head, storming past her into the bathroom.

Ignoring the bits of blood I had missed, I got dressed.

I held my stomach for a little bit, trying to block it out.

Then, I left the bathroom again.

They were all still standing there, somewhat shocked.

I looked at Mike.

"Thank you for letting me stay here - I really appreciate it. I broke your vase and I've damaged your bathroom. I seriously am sorry for that - I'll send you money to pay for it all. Goodbye."

"Rachael wait..." Monica pleaded.

I froze, growing more angry.

I sighed and looked at her.

"Just hours ago you loved God with all your heart - and now you're saying these things, and letting anger win? What about what you promised?" she asked desperately.

"What about it?" I snapped, flaring again.

"You PROMISED God you would serve him!" she tried, clinging to anything.

It was too much.

"God, can SHOVE IT!" I roared, making her jump. Mike and Sophie backed off, not daring to interupt.

"Rachael..." Zach tried gently, but it complely threw me over the edge.

"DON'T!" I shouted, finally looking at him.

He looked so sad, and almost frightened even.

Good, he had a very slight idea of how I had felt.

"You have got NO _idea_ of what kind of pain I am in." I growled, dangerously quiet.

"Rachael, the people of this town are hurting..." Monica reminded me.

This only caused more guilt to built up though, and I didn't appreciate in the slightest.

"The people of the town have God!" I argued, "the church is open. The message is quite clear, if they're in there and giving God everything, THEN they can be safe and feel happy, but SCREW it if they're not in there!"

"That is not true!" Zach stated, stepping towards me.

"DON'T!" I shouted again, and he froze.

"It IS true! Keep away from me - I want NOTHING to do with you!" I growled, shaking, "you have no idea...NO idea..."

"I do, just let me help you..."

"HELP ME? You should have came when I NEEDED you, not when you FEEL like it!"

With that, I turned away and walked out the door, slamming it hard behind me.

Tears falling freely now from rage and just pure hurt, I stormed down the street.

Passing the church, I kicked the sign.

I threw my bag at the wall and sat against it, curling up.

I folded my arms round my knees and wept, desperate.

Some time passed, then I was rudely interupted.

"Ohhhh, what's wrong?" he sneered.

Furious, I jumped to my feet.

"Drop dead!" I shouted, much to his delight.

He cackled, and pointed at me.

"Ohh this is GOLD! I won! Look how pathetic you are!" he jeered.

"Says YOU, you piece of shit!" I snapped back.

He snorted.

"I am the master of my domain. You, have just lost _everything._ You lost your innocence, your care, and you lost your love for God." he giggled, quite happy.

I shook my head, repulsed by him.

"Go to hell." I told him quietly.

He snorted again, but didn't budge.

He sighed.

"Well, I already raped you - might as well have more fun. You need punished for your bad attitude!" he threatened, suddenly hitting me.

I couldn't stand it - I WOULDN'T stand for it.

Shouting, I let go and barged into him, beating him as hard as I possibly could.

He actually seemed surprised - must have thought he's turn me into a shivering wreck, but this happened instead...

He hit me back and in seconds we were rolling around in a furious fight.

As I hit him, I kept imagining the rape and comments, and I kept imagining the pain I had been feeling, and it all came out in punches.

"Hey, stop it!" a voice suddenly cried out.

Looking up, we realised it was Joey.

I gritted my teeth, but stopped.

Joey had already been through too much.

"Ahh Joey..." Lucifer grinned, quite delighted, "good to see you again!"

"Shut up!" I growled at him as we stood up.

"You - you're that bad man!" Joey stated, slow and upset, "On that bad day!"

Satan laughed.

"Miss me?" he grinned.

"Leave him alone!" I demanded forcefully, standing between them.

"Joey, go home." I told him.

"It was you're fault!" Joey suddenly shouted, pointing at satan.

"Joey..."

"No, it was him, it was him!" he insisted, getting worked up.

"Please, Joey, please go home." I begged, desperate for him to go.

"Why would you hurt everyone and hurt my kitties?" he groaned, now rocking.

Satan laughed.

"It was fun." he answered, sickingly.

"You're a bad man!" Joey shouted, pointing his finger at him.

I sighed, looking down.

"Yeah I am bad - and I love it! You wanna go see your kitties again, Joey?" he offered dangerously.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shouted.

But he had got his attention...

"Where are they?" Joey asked, looking around, so innocent and childlike.

I was getting desperate and panicky, looking around for help...but there was no-one...

I looked down and spotted a very sharp rock.

I picked it up, and pointed it at the devil.

"You keep away from him!" I warmed him, deadly seriously.

"He's gonna diiieeeeeeee like the kids ddiiiiiidddddd." he tormented, pushing me.

"He's not!" I spat, shaking.

"Oh he is - cos I'm gonna do THIS!" he tormented, suddenly attacking poor Joey.

"STOP!" I shouted, diving on him.

I had actually forgotten about the sharp rock...I just wanted him to get off Joey...and then Joey cried in real pain.

I froze, as satan laughed with glee and vanished.

Assessing the situation, my heart began hammering...

Poor Joey had been cut my the rock...across his throat...

"Joey?" I croaked desperately.

The look he gave me - I will never forget it.

His eyes were wide and desperate - they were confused and scared.

He held his hand across his throat, unable to speak as he gargled his own blood.

Tears swam as I ripped my shirt and covered his throat tight to try and stem the flow, whilst trying to let him breathe...

Andrew appeared.

All anger and hate before was gone...

I shook my head.

"He can't die, he did nothing wrong, it's not fair!" I croaked, shaking.

Andrew also had tears.

"He won't suffer where he is going."

"Then the devil is winning...he's been winning all day." I sniffed.

"Joey...? Joey I am so sorry...please forgive me." I whimpered, holding his hand, tears streaming down my face.

He grunted, but he looked me in the eyes and blinked meaningfully.

His eyes started to fade over, and Andrew gently took his hand, rubbing his arm.

In moments, he had passed.

His spirit left his body, and he stood quite peacefully with Andrew.

"I'm so sorry!" I pleaded, unimaginable guilt surging through me.

But Joey, so good and pure, knelt infront of me.

He didn't say anything at first, he simply pulled me into a hug.

"I know you're hurting, and I am sorry you are." He started, voice now clear and not slow, "you tried to help me. It is not your fault."

"I still picked up that rock and I still cut you...and now you have to die - what could I ever do to make this up to you? To put it right?" I begged, hysterical.

Joey sighed, holding me closer.

"I forgive you, Rachael. You need to forgive yourself...and reconcile with God." he informed me.

That made me freeze.

I could say nothing...I couldn't hurt Joey by saying no, nor could I agree.

So I remained silent and watched as he turned to Andrew.

"Can I see my kittens?" he asked innocently.

"Of course." Andrew smiled, turning to lead the way.

As they walked into the light, he turned back to me.

"Joey is right." he informed me softly.

I tried not to cry then...I was so lost and angry and scared and hurt all at the same time...

They slowly dissapeared with the light, and I was left alone cradling Joey's body.


	8. Chapter 8

Completely grief stricken, I sobbed into him.

The guilt and horror I felt can not be described at all...nothing comes close to it.

Suddenly, a gut-wrenching wail was heard.

"NOOO!" a man shouted, horrified...

It was Wayne.

Sniffing, I moved back to let him grieve.

"My brother...my baby brother!" he sobbed, letting go and holding him.

I cried, completely panicking and lost, as well as being utterly heartbroken for Wayne - he had lost his wife and now his baby brother - both murdered and cruelly snatched away from him.

Shaking, I closed my eyes tight, trying to block it all out.

"What...what happened?" Wayne asked me, struggling.

Tears welled up again and I bit my fist, unable to speak.

Anger flashed and he grabbed his gun.

"YOU DID THIS!" he roared, pointing the gun at me.

I shook, and I was terrified, but I did nothing...I _deserved_ to die - this is what happened when God is rejected so harshly and you allow anger to control.

"Wayne, don't!" Monica cried, appearing from nowhere.

I whimpered, still biting my fist desperately.

"It's not like that!" she said quickly, holding her hand out to try and calm him.

"Then what is it?" he pleaded, shaking.

"The devil himself was here, and he twisted and corrupted everything...it wasn't her fault..."

"But did she do it? Did she cut my baby brother's throat?" he demanded desperately.

Wracked with guilt, I had no choice but to admit it.

Slowly, I nodded my head...

"Than you SHOULD die!" he shouted, still pointing the gun at me.

"Wayne, please! God does not want her to die, and he does not want you to become a murderer, please!" Monica begged, voice breaking.

Wayne allowed more tears to fall.

"I'm the sherrif, and she's a killer, so I wouldn't be murdering her, I'd be giving justice to Joey!"

"She is unarmed and unthreatening, you can't shoot her legally - but even morally, it is wrong - just as wrong as you feel she is right now...I'm so sorry, and so is God, that Joey is gone...but killing Rachael is not the answer!"

I cried bitterly then...even now, God was trying to save my life - he really didn't want me to die! He DID care about me!

I had been so, indescribably selfish - even though I had been hurting, I should have trusted him...oh no...and now Joey was gone because of me!

The tears wouldn't stop and I let them go freely, despite the pain in my stomach and insides burning me.

"Wayne I'm so sorry!" I breathed, "I'm so sorry!"

"Arghh!" he shouted, suddenly throwing the gun down.

"Only because GOD himself doesn't want you dead, I won't kill you! But you are under arrest for the murder of Joey!" he growled, grabbing me and handcuffing me.

I offered no resistence as he pushed me to the jail and locked me in a cell.

"God might have stopped you from dying. But you can ROT in here!" he shouted, slamming his hand on the cell door.

He then left me, finally able to go and grieve for his beloved kin.

Now alone, my whole body shook.

My mind was going 100mph, to match my heart...

I groaned...I had absolutley no idea what to do!

Looking at the bed, I shook my head...I didn't even deserve the comfort from that!

Groaning with all my conflicting feels and in very bad shock, I curled into a ball on the floor, rolling under the bed.

Knees tucked up tight, I faced the wall as close to it as I could.

I was freezing, in complete shock, in mental turmoil and in horrific physical pain all at once...

And I deserved it.

Closing my eyes tight, I simply wept and wept and wept.

What the hell had I done?


	9. Chapter 9

I didn't move all night.

No-one came to see me either...I was glad too - I wouldn't have been able to face them.

I cannot describe how horrible I felt...for Wayne, and even for God.

So easily I had blamed him and shut him out. How could I blame him for something the devil did? He was comforting the whole town, how could I ask him to save me and not them? How did I ignore the fact he did comfort me, in an incredible way, when my mother died? How could I have spoken so ill of him to Andrew and Monica? He was their literal father and I had hurt them too, and they did not deserve it. How could I have picked that rock up? What did I think it was going to do against the devil? How could I have allowed anger to take hold when God himself had directly warned me not to? Such blatant disobedience had led to all of this. Even listening to satan to begin with...I didn't need to listen to him, I just needed to go in to the church and I would have been safe...

God had not left me at all - I knew he loved me more than I could describe, and it must have broke his heart to see me suffering so badly and hearing me reject him and even blame him so harshly.

How could I?

Utterly and completely devastated and in agony, I cried bitterly again - this time, even my soul weeped with me.

Unbelievable waves of guilt and shame overwhelmed me to join my trauma.

I was simply a wreck and probably close to a breakdown.

Horrified and disgusted by myself, I spotted a broken piece of metal under the bed.

Siezing my chance, I violently rubbed my arm over it, soothed by the blood treakling from the new wound.

I knew God could redeem me if he wanted to - but I simply didn't deserve it.

I was the biggest scum of the Earth for what I had said and done.

I had even ended an innocent life by directly disobeying him!

There was no escape...I deserved to die and I deserve to burn in hell! I deserved to be raped by the devil every day - at least he'd be with me and not hurting other people!

Whimpering, I cut even deeper, wildly trying to find my artery.

A bright light all at once distracted me.

But instead of anger, this time I felt completey dread.

"Rachael, please don't do this..." Andrew begged, croaching down next to the bed and looking under at me.

I whimpered again, refusing to look at him.

How could I?

"You don't understand..." I choked, sniffing.

"Oh I do. I understand the horrifying pain you have went through, and now the most unimaginable guilt is coarsing through you. For you to actually believe you _deserve_ to burn in hell and be raped repeatedly is appaling and a testiment to the sheer level of horror you feel within yourself. But it is NOT true - you do not deserve it!" Andrew argued back, sounding like he was close to tears.

Bravely, I turned to look at him, my lip quivering.

"Do you have any idea what I have done?" I whispered, my voice thick with grief.

He watched me, waiting for me to speak.

"I...I blamed God - literally blamed him for the devil raping me. I said he cared more about the devil's rights than my own. I said that he didn't leave the church because he cared for about being worshipped than helping me. I said he only saved people in the church and screws them over if they aren't...I uh...I literally told God to "shove it" when he reached out to me. I rejected him completely! I hurt him with my words. I directly disobeyed him and let anger win...I let the devil win AGAIN and because of that, Joey died! It was all my fault!" I cried, breaking down again.

"Is that all true?" a voice asked.

Sniffing, I looked and realised Wayne was standing at the door with some food.

Andrew sighed, relieved a human was present.

"It is true." he confirmed, "but she is at far less at fault than she feels. But the pain she has suffered and is suffering right now is unimaginable."

Wayne sighed out, emotional, and came in the cell.

He too crouched next to the bed.

"Sheriff's orders, come out." he ordered, voice careful.

Sniffing, all I could do was listen.

Slowly, I crawled out from under the bed, my stomach killing again. I must have torn it again through the night as I curled up.

I groaned, holding it.

"What happened?" Wayne asked me.

Sniffing, I told him in detail everything that happened since the day of my mother's death.

I knew it was ok to speak of Zach being God, because when I approached that bit, I had looked at Andrew, who nodded back to let me know it was allowed.

At the end, Wayne and Andrew were both in tears, shamelessly.

"You have been through so much in the last 48 hours!" Wayne exclaimed, gently holding my shoulder.

"If this is all true, then what can you do but turn yourself over to God? Seems to me, He really does care about you and has blessed you above measure. I don't blame you for Joey's death, and I'm sorry I did! Look...I get how you feel like you're the worst person on Earth now, but I seriously, seriously think God will forgive you. He let you find the Arc of the convenant! He let you know he was here in person when he wouldn't even tell an angel! He loves you, Rachael, and although you doubted it and were angry, it's because satan got his hooks into you, and pushed you over the edge. I can't even imagine the horror you have been through. I wouldn't want to...because no human could ever handle that mantle of pain. But trust God and turn it over to him, because he _can_ handle it, and he is willing to!"

Heaving with sobs, I burrowed my face into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me and simply held me, knowing no more words were needed.

As I was there, finally feeling some small level of comfort, I was reminded of when God comforted me in the cave...and I realised I wanted him. I wanted him more than anything else in the universe!

But...I was so terrified, and so ashamed, I didn't know what to do.

Wayne held me for several minutes.

Knowing I would not kill myself now, Andrew gently stroked my head and left me to do other work.

Wayne slowly let me go and gently stroked my face.

"You NEED God." he informed me, standing up.

I bit my lip, sighing and finally nodding.

He was right.

I DID need God - it was pointless denying it anymore.

Breathing out with emotion, Wayne told me it was important I ate, and gently left me.

Of course, I couldn't eat.

I simply couldn't face it.

Groaning, I sat on the bed and leant forward with my head in my hands.


	10. Chapter 10

Time didn't matter - it might have been minutes or hours as I sat there in deep thought and despair, before I was distracted by someone else in the corridor.

I didn't move, but was horrified when I heard Zach!

"Well I hate to lock you up in here, Zach, but it's for your own protection. People in town are just spooked, but I'm sorry this has had to happen..." Wayne was saying, apparently oblivious that he was God...

God or Andrew must have made him forget about that part...

"Do what you have to sheriff." Zach was saying with reassurance.

Oh his voice...it sounded different to me now...it was truly a beautiful and powerful voice, so full of commitment and love, and wisdom.

I closed my eyes tight and covered my ears, shaking.

Even his human voice, I could not handle with the level of guilt I was feeling.

Feeling sick in my stomach, I shakily leaned back against the wall on the bed, knees tucked up again.

To offer myself just a tiny bit of comfort, I wrapped my arms round my knees and tucked my head in, closing my eyes and hardly daring to make a noise.

My heart was hammering and I shook violently, deathly afraid of being so close to God again.

When I heard Wayne leave, it made it all the worse.

Right then, I wanted to beg God for forgiveness - literally, beg...but damn it, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I didn't deserve it, and God deserved better than me as a servent, let alone a child.

Really, I was hiding...which was pointless of course, he knew fine well I was there.

The silence was so loud...so deafening, and I tried to block my ears from it, but it just didn't work.

Slowly breathing out to try and stop the panic attack that was building up, I concentrated, desperate to control my thoughts.

First thing I could think clearly of was bible quotes, so I just went with it...

 _"You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all those who call to you."_

 **Psalm 86:5**

 _"The Lord is good to all, he has compassion for all he has made."_

 **Psalm 145:9**

 _"But because oh his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy."_

 **Ephesians 2:4**

 _"For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee."_

 **Psalms 86:5**

My breathing relaxed into a normal rhythm, and it became clear that I had been moved and comforted by the words I remembered.

As I sat, my body even finally started relaxing for the first time in 2 days.

Mulling it over in my head, I realised how much God truly, truly cared for me, and how much the devil had manipulated me and used me.

One of my problems is that I had forgotten who God really was.

He had suited me when I had the good feelings of awe and wonder, and of comfort and peace, but had rejected him harshly the second something bad happened.

But he was _GOD_! Lord over all creation, but he hadn't shown off to me or tried to big himself up, he had seemed almost human and had offered his hand out to me in comfort, and I denied him my love...

My apologies was the very, very least he deserved from me!

Gulping, I took a deep breath and did it...

At this point I was still far too afraid to literally see him, so I slowly got off the bed, remaining hidden by the wall of the cell that was connected to the bars bit.

Shaking from shame and fear, I used to bed to support me as I slid to my knees, facing where I knew Zach was.

This was highly emotional and I simply let the tears fall, deeply regretting my actions.

In the first moment, I simply wanted to show God that I was submitting to him in a spiritual way...so I did just that. Once I was on my knees, I bowed my body quite forward and bowed my head, holding on to the bed as a emotional support.

My eyes were shut tight.

I was terrified, but I needed to do this...

Shivering, I at last spoke...or at least croaked out the words.

"I...I...am so..."

My own breathing forced me to pause, as it became fast, again panicked.

The tears didn't help, but I could no nothing to stop them.

"I'm so sorry!" I whimpered pathetically.

"I'm so sorry..."

I sniffed, rubbing my eyes on my arm and doing my best to control myself.

"Everything I said and did...was just - horrible. Unbelievably selfish...and now I'm seperate from you. I...I er...told you I wanted nothing to do with you - it w-was a lie."

I breathed out, willing myself to continue.

"I need you. I know - I know I don't deserve you, at all...I deserve to be cast aside. B-b-but, please...please, even if you do decide to cast me away, just please...f..f...forgive me...I'm so sorry! I''m so sorry!"

I couldn't do it anymore and let go into heaving sobs, distraught with how bad I had hurt God.

As I bitterly wept, I suddenly felt strong arms around me, pulling me close.

Not wanting to fight in the slightest, I relaxed into them and completely poured my soul out.

"I am here." he whispered, gently but firmly.

My body heaved with bitter sobs, but he didn't flinch or go to move.

I wrapped my arms round him like a child, desperate for comfort.

He gave me all he could, refusing to let me go.

"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" I begged, totally broken.

"Ssssshhhh, it's all ok now - I forgive you, I am here. You are my child, and I love you more than you could imagine." he assured me, genty stroking my back.

I whimpered, shaking my head.

"After everything I said and done?"

"Yes, child. I _love_ you, and everything you did, you did because you were hurting so bad. Oh what you have suffered - no human should have to face it - most could not bare it! But let it go, child, give me your pain." he commanded tenderly.

"But I love you...I don't want you to hurt because of me." I choked out pathetically.

He hugged me even tighter then.

"I can handle it." he whispered firmly.

Sniffing, I slowly shook my head and closed my eyes really tight.

"I can't..." I whimpered..."handle it. Please...help me - you're strong and I am weak. I need you."

The room was suddenly flooded with light and brilliant white light, and opening my eyes, I saw God for what He truly was, in all of His glory.

I trembled with amazement and fear, and remained silent, simply soaking in what I was seeing.

"I will bare it for you, child. We still have work to do. Will you still serve me?" He asked.

I teared up again and my heart was hammering.

Gulping, I whispered what was in my soul.

"I'm scared of letting you down again. What if I mess up? What if I hurt someone else, or hurt you again?" I pleaded.

God sighed, but with sadness, not anger.

He crouched in front of me again.

"You won't. This time, you will trust me and hand over your angers and fears to me. I will heal you, and you will serve me." He assured, holding my shoulder.

My lip quivered and I shivered.

"What you have given me is beyond measure. You let me meet you in that cave, you comforted me through my mother's death, you gave me the gift of never being afraid of death, you let me know you were God when you wouldn't even tell an Angel, you gave me friendship and above all...you gave me forgiveness, redemption and mercy. I will serve you, until my last breath. Then...if...if you will allow it...I will kneel by your feet for eternety to sing your praise for being a mighty God, powerful in the best sense of all...powerful in love."

I breathed out, overwhelmed, and in a feeble yet touching effort to show Him how much I meant it, bowed down even futher so my face was on the ground, inches from his feet...

I breathed out, unable to do or say anything else.

I had done everything I could...

Slowly, the light and warmth disappeared as God returned to his human form.

I didn't move, simply wanting to wait for guidance.

"You have no idea how much love for you flows through my being." He stated compassionately, gently pulling me up to my previous kneeling position.

"I love you too." I whispered back in earnest.

He breathed out...clearly this was a much better exchange than when I said I wanted nothing to do with him.

I frowned.

"I didn't mean it when I said you could shove it..." I started quietly, "I was just hurting. Physically as well as mentally. It wasn't just the devil who hurt me, I hurt myself too, and it made it way worse. I'm sorry."

He rubbed my arm.

"I know you are, and I forgive you. And I DO know how much pain you have went through. I am so sorry you had to go through all that, and even worse that you felt you were alone through it. I am here, and I always will be."

He opened his arms and breathing out, I relaxed into his embrace, overcome with immense comfort.

He healed me from my physical wounds.

"As time goes on, you will heal from your mental wounds. You will always remember these last 48 hours...but you will also remember the love and redemption you have been given, to counter the hatred and seperation you encountered. The memories of your ordeal are not there to punish you. But they will serve as a reminder of why you should not disobey me. Do you understand?" he asked me gently.

"Yes sir." I nodded meekly.

He rubbed my arm again.

"Good - come." he invited, standing up.

He helped me to stand and I realised I was exhausted.

"You must sleep. You have been through too much and your body and mind needs rest. We need to continue our work tomorrow to help the town."

Without argument, I finally curled into bed.

Lovingly, he pulled the blanket over me and kissed my cheek.

"Goodnight." I whispered.

"Goodnight, child." He replied, but I was already in a deep, deep slumber.


End file.
